Being cold and wet and forced to stag on (stay awake and keeping watch) for hours on end, in pitch-black woodblocks or forests is to end for recruits.
After centuries of fighting wars across the world and lots of soldiers spending millions of hours and sleepless nights keeping watch, top brass have finally admitted stagging on is ‘pointless’ and has been a ‘waste of bloody time and morale’ all along. Senior officers have now been ordered to end forcing military personnel to keep watch in freezing cold harbour areas at the crack of dawn.
Section 2 IC’s will no longer have to write stag lists and put themselves on the best timings, just before Reveille or prior to Stand To.
“I’m absolutely buzzing we will no longer be having to write a stag list every night in the pissing rain, on a paper notebook that keeps falling apart, and trying to please everyone in the section and ‘squaring them away’ with a decent stag timing,” said Lance Corporal, Jak Bloke.
This announcement has come as welcome news for junior soldiers and has been seen as a positive.
“A cheeky wank and a Jak Brew was the only exciting part of being woken up at stupid o'clock and freezing your tits off for two hours. I’m so glad we now get to spend more time in our doss-bag necking cans of Monster, whilst flicking through Tinder.” said Private Balls.
Some more senior enlisted personnel have taken this news as a real blow.
Warrant Officer Class One, Regimental Sergeant Major (RSM), Fonda-Cox said: “I just can’t help but think that the past 22 years I've spent in uniform has been one big lie. Although I’m really not that bothered by this news, as I will be drawing my pension this time next year anyway.”
The RSM added: “Sleep is massively overrated anyway, black coffee and hate is what keeps me going these days.”